A Style for Every Story
What is your purpose? It’s the question everyone wants to know…Why are you here? What were you created to do? My answer has been pretty consistent over the past year or two – to help women know their worth, believe they are worth it, and walk in worthiness. Why? Because I fully know my worth and walk in purpose daily… No, that’s a lie. It’s because I’ve struggled so much with it since I was 18, and still wrestle with it at 33. What I can say is that God has brought me to a place where He has made me feel loved, favored and worthy of all of the things He created for me to enjoy, experience and oversee.
Married at 18 and four months pregnant, my struggle with my worth began. Divorced at 21,I allowed myself to continue in a string of abusive relationships, mental, verbal and/or physical, allowing men into my life that did not see me how God saw me, but saw my looks and only what I allowed them to see. I believed I had to do well and prove how amazing I was, no matter the hit to my morals or integrity. I moved on from that cycle of relationships in my 20s, to then knowing I deserved better in a relationship, but not really walking in the truth that I knew. When loneliness takes its toll and you don’t truly love yourself, you will continue to settle and make excuses to fill the void only He can. Of all lessons learned, when you know the Holy Spirit’s voice, listen. I’ve literally had dreams with warnings showing me I was going the wrong way, felt promptings, seen the signs… only to ignore them and be left with a broken heart, disease, and the familiar emptiness of prioritizing temporary fulfillment from man over my Creator who has known and loved me since before my life began. When you don’t know who you are, you find yourself on a never ending search, and in my case avoiding situations, running from positive relationships, seeking out the comfort of dysfunction, and then wondering why God wasn’t listening to me.
After some soul searching, work on myself, seeking, seeking, seeking God and only with His grace have I found myself in what I like to think of as a sweetspot with God. This does not mean I don’t struggle with thoughts, insecurities, and lies that come my way, but I am finally able to standup for myself, my worth, and ultimately make the right decision because of my relationship with God. I am not paralyzed by fear, thinking that if I say what I truly feel and believe I will be abandoned. Surrounding myself with amazing godly women who encourage, support and pray with/for me when I don’t have the strength is one of the things that has changed my life. Reading God’s word and diving in after Him, I am finally content, loving my life, and knowing that if it’s me and God from here on out, I’m more than ok. He is all I need. This realization, relationship with Him and building community with other believers has brought me to this new place.
The question was posed to me recently, what do you want? I still don’t know, I couldn’t really answer, at least when it comes to the husband I’ve prayed for since as long as I can remember. I know right now, I love my 15 year old beautiful teenage girl more than anything, and want to be an example of who God wants us to be as women – never settling for anything less. I do not want anything that hinders these last teenage years with her, but compliments it which is what I know God intends. So as I explore this new place of thriving, interceding, loving life, seeking, waiting, taking on new endeavors and becoming, I know the one thing I want is to stay in this sweet spot with my Savior, knowing He will guide my steps each step of the way.
“And to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth, only if you should see fit… I desire your will above mine, so even if you call me to a life of singleness… my heart is content with you the One who was sent…You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known… You are forever my judge and I’m forever your witness … and I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business…” – JANETT…IKZ